Monday, March 26, 2012

Some Pictures from the weekend

I am so obsessed with my baby boy and can never seem to take enough pictures of him! Here are some pictures I took this weekend on our walk at the park.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Back to Work?

So Gavin has had his first full week of daycare this week.  We think he loves it.  The girls love him, he talks to them all day long.  He is completely worn out when he gets home, but never-the-less refuses to sleep through the night!

I seriously thought I would be back to work by now....but.....I'M NOT! I accepted this new job and went to put my notice in at my old job. The HR manager there told me not to come back from maternity leave.  Meanwhile we had already arranged a start date at the daycare so Gavin had to go no matter what.  The lady at my new job assured me it would only take 5-7 days from me accepting the offer to get me started there which should have been this week.  But alas, I am here, at home, not working.  Wow, do I feel worthless.  We can't afford daycare, my parents were kind enough to give us money to pay for it, but that was only enough for this week. We were making such great progress getting out of debt and then this happens.

What was I supposed to do? It wasn't supposed to take this long! I email my new job almost daily requesting an update and letting them know they are causing me tremendous financial difficulty, but I guess all attorneys work at their own pace (which is never fast enough).

Don't get me wrong, I love having my house clean and dinner ready when Joe gets home.  But I don't love being at home in this nice clean house with no baby. It breaks my heart to watch Joe walk out the door with my baby every morning to take him to "school" and knowing I will be in this house all day long with nothing to do.  I can't just trot around town and spend money because we have no money for gas much less shopping. So I sit, check my email 5,000 times a day, write my daily email checking on status and usually end up caving and getting Gavin early from school. 

Today I got Gavin at 3:00 to spend a little extra Mommy - Son time HOPING and PRAYING I start work on Monday.  I just sent them an email telling them the financial difficulties they are causing me and telling them that I have been looking for temporary work until I can start there in hopes of kicking them in gear. No lie, I've spent all day looking for work to do until I can start.

My sister-in-law and her fiance are on their way to see us now, they should be here in 2 hours.  We are going to have a fun weekend, hopefully not spend a ton of money and hopefully I will keep my mind of the feeling I have of being worthless...wish me luck.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Seriously, where has the time gone?

Ok Ok Ok, I know I said I would keep this up but I just haven't, plain and simple! So, here is an update.

Gavin Elijah has blessed us with his presence.  After weeks of doing everything from jumping jacks, pinwheels, walking miles, drinking tons of water, hot wings, the "pregnancy pizza", to buying his first birthday gift and spending a week with my family he decided to come on his own terms!

3:30 am, Thursday January 5, 2012: I woke up to pee (what's new). My undies were all wet (TMI I know).  I thought "damn, did I pee my pants?" I didn't put it past me and didn't think much of it, so I went to the bathroom and went back to sleep.

5:30 am, Thursday January 5, 2012: I woke up to pee again (again, what's new?). My undies were all wet again. This time I thought I couldn't have possibly peed myself twice in two hours! So, I figured my water must have broke. My first thought was, was this actually happening? I felt like Gavin was never going to come out, afterall, I had tried EVERYTHING! So, I called Joe.  He was at work, in the middle of his show, but I knew I had to call.  At this point my water was broke for at least 2 hours, I didn't feel ANY contractions, but I was sure THIS WAS IT! My phone call went something like this: "uh babe, I think it's time".  He was sitting in a very small room with a handful of people so he couldn't ask lots of questions.  I know he asked me if I was sure. I told him I was pretty certain my water had broke and now I had bright red blood so I at least needed to go to labor and delivery.  He said he was leaving work right then (later I found out he peaced out of there so fast and barely said bye to anyone, but he was acting all calm to me).  He went 80mph down the highway to get home.  He got home around 6:00 am and we packed up the car to go to labor & delivery. 

6:30am, Thursday January 5, 2012: We get to the hospital and we got the VERY FIRST parking spot.  I knew it was really time since we got such a great parking spot. We always had to park in the way back of the lot and since we got the first spot I just knew it was real! We walk into the hospital and the lady at the front desk asks why I am there. I told her I thought my water broke so I had to explain the events of the night.  I got into triage and got put on monitors.  Gavin's heart rate was fine and I was having really small contractions but they told me it was "irritability", ya whatever that means.  It was getting time for the nurses to switch shifts so we weren't getting the best help ever, so I was trying so hard to be patient, hard for me! The nurse came in and said they were going to do this test to see if it was really my water breaking.  She checked me and put some fluid on this strip and said "I'm sorry to tell you hun, but your water didn't break". My heart was broken, I wanted him so badly! I said "so, you're telling me I was pissing myself all night?" She laughed, not knowing I was serious, and said, ya, I guess so.

My doctor was in labor & delivery that morning doing a scheduled C-Section so he said he would come by and check me just to double check. He checked me and in two seconds said, ya that was her water.  He looked at the nurse like she was stupid, because she told him it didn't! So thankful my doctor was there! We later found out if I would have been sent home my little angel could have died. (will explain later). My doctor told me to hang out in triage and they would get my IV started and admitted to the hospital. They said to call our families and tell them to head down.  Joe had to leave the room to get reception. He called everyone, including my best friend Lauren who was now waiting (impatiently) for me to get admitted to my room so she could come see us.  My other friend Jen was also on standby to come see me in the hospital. What great friends, they knew we had no family here and were so "johnny on the spot" to come and be with us!

Not 2 minutes after the doctor left we heard Gavin's heart rate slowly decreasing on the monitor.  My new nurse (who was awesome I might add) came in to check on me and we could see in her face something was wrong.  She took the "nurse button", you know the one they lay on your bed with the TV controls on it, and pulled it out of the wall. (apparently this makes a warning go off at the nurses station). 5 nurses, literally 5, came flying into our room.  The door slammed open, my heart stopped, the shoved oxygen on my face and turned it on high. Gavin's heart rate had gone down into the 50's and was in the 70-80's.  Once I had oxygen on and they turned me to my other side his heart rate went up again.  My doctor came back in to talk to us.  He said if the baby "behaved himself" (didn't drop heart rate again) I would go and get some pitocin (I had now been in labor for 4.5 hours and had not progressed).  If the heart dropped again I would need a C-Section.  Sooo....we waited.....and waited....and waited. Again, I am not a very patient person.  I signed the paperwork for a normal delivery and a C-Section, took out my earrings and took off my wedding ring "just in case". An hour passed...he was a good boy....we were getting admitted! YAY!

My new nurse came in, Emily.  She was the nurse that taught our birthing class and I loved her. It was so comforting knowing her already and knowing she totally knew her stuff.  I walked to my room, Room 2.  The Price is Right was just starting, so it was about 10:00 am, I was determined to watch the show, it's my fave! We got into the new room and got situated, I was on the monitors, the new nurses knew our story from earlier so they were watching me and calling me the problem child, I didn't mind, that meant I was getting a lot of attention and they were watching my little miracle like a hawk! They told Joe it was cool to go down and get all of our bags.  I had 3 bags and a birthing ball, so the haul was quite a big one! Joe had just put our stuff down and we again heard Gavin's heart rate dropping.  This time I felt the contraction that I was having at the same time it was dropping.  It went into the 70's this time...and it stayed there....for 4 LOOOONG minutes.  My nurse Emily came rushing in, she saw it on the monitor out in the hall. Then 4 more nurses came in. 

At this very same second, Lauren and Jen had just knocked on my door.  The look in Emily's eyes as she said sternly "Not now, they have to wait", scared me to high heaven.  Joe's face was white, ghost white, I knew he was trying to stay calm, to be my rock. 

Emily had an internal monitor they were going to try to attach to Gavin's head to better monitor his heart rate.  She wasn't able to get it on his head because I was only dilated to a 2.  Another nurse was practically standing on my stomach to move Gavin to get his heart back on the monitor...they lost him....they lost his heart rate....couldn't find it.  They were the professionals and they couldn't find it! Was he ok? Was he still alive? Was my miracle slipping from my hands right as I laid there? Emily called my doctor.  The anesthesiaoligist (sp?) was there in a nano second.  He talked what seemed like forever, I was hyperventialiting and have no idea to this day what he even said to me. I signed a paper that I don't even know what it said, I was crying for my mom, I wanted her there so badly.  Joe called my mom, Emergency C-Section.  Emily was by my side the entire time, she looked me square in the face and said "Dr. Richmond says you are having an emergency C-Section" I said, "like when?" (I wanted my mom to get there in time sooooo badly). Emily said "like now".  Joe was already putting on his scrubs, I was in the wheel chair and being wheeled. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye.  The nurse told Joe she would be back in 20 minutes, the longest 20 minutes of his life.  Emily had another patient so couldn't be my nurse in the OR so I got my third nurse.

I got into the OR and she told me it was going to be very cold.  I got onto the operating table, which is tiny I might add, and had to hunch over and get my spinal block, no time for an epidural.  My legs went numb immediately and I somehow had to get them onto the table, I needed help.  I laid down, got my oxygen, my arms were on this side table thing and I was told not to move them or they would strap them down.  The blue sheet went up in front of my face (yep, like all the shows) and they started surgery.  I remember them saying "incision" but for some reason I didn't really think they were cutting yet, I thought they were just talking about the incision.  I was so loopy, all the nurses were talking about how they could tell I never really took prescription pain killers because I was falling asleep while they were operating!

Joe finally got to come into the room.  I remember him coming in.  I asked him to tell me when they started surgery because I wanted to know when it was getting close.  He laughed and said, "babe, they are about to pull him out!". I was like, what, really? I felt like it took 2 seconds but on the other hand I felt like I was laying there for an eternity! Less than 2 minutes after Joe was in the room they pulled out Gavin.  He didn't cry.  It was silence. I heard nothing.  I think I started to cry but I really don't remember.  I asked Joe if everything was ok. He told me yes even though he didn't know for sure.  Gavin was blue and purple. Not alert. Not crying.  Most babies come out and they are tense and screaming. My baby was limp and not crying. I was horrified.  It felt like minutes before I heard him.  I asked Joe if he had all his fingers and toes, he did, that was good.  Then FINALLY....he let out a scream.  Joe later told me the nurse was really calm so that's why he stayed calm and told me everything was ok.  She was rubbing him and had to pat him on his back to get him to scream.  It was the best noise I ever heard. I sent Joe to take pictures of him.  The nurse weighed him, 8 pounds 7 ounces, 21 inches long, born at 10:58 am. 

It took the doctors about 40 minutes to sew me up. Joe left with Gavin and they were in the recovery area waiting on us.  Joe's mom was there, my mom shortly behind and his sisters behind that. The doctor came over to me, blood stained and all, and explained what was wrong with Gavin. His cord was wrapped around his neck (not the problem) and up around the side of his face.  The side of his face part is the part that almost took him from us.  As I was contracting the oxygen supply was being cut off through the cord. If I would have been sent home as the first nurse wanted, I would have continued to contract at home and his oxygen would continue to be cut off from him, possible causing him to die.  Everything happens for a reason, there is a reason my doctor was already there and even though I was not thrilled about the C-Section there was a reason for that too.  Thanks to my swift acting doctor, I had a healthy baby boy!

After I could wiggle my toes I was able to go up to my room.  Lots of people came to visit us and we were finally discharged after 3 nights.

Our first nights at home were crazy, Gavin had his days and nights confused so we got no sleep.

I have been home with him for 9 weeks and 6 days. Today is his 10 week birthday and he is at daycare as I type. Today was supposed to be my first day back to work, but they told me not to come back when I put my notice in.  I GOT THE JOB! I got the new job! I will now be working at Lathrop & Gage and I got a great raise that will pay for daycare!

Heidi and Stephanie have been so great to us and I know my baby is in great hands, I just hate that I am not with him.  I know he needs to be there and it will help him be more social and our time with him will be so great, I just wish I could logistically take him to work with me AND work. Not gunna happen, so this is the best we could do.  Thank God I know these girls outside of the daycare, we met at church. I don't know if I could have left my baby with complete strangers!

So here I await the word from my new job on my start date. I am waiting for my background check to go thru and then I am as good as gold, I will start right away. I am really excited for this next chapter in my career. I will pick up my little man early today from daycare, but in the meantime I am going to pick up this house and maybe take a nap and have some "me time".

Thank you to everyone who made our hospital stay both comforting and entertaining at times.  Thank you God for a healthy baby, thank you Little Tots for loving my baby as if he was your own. Thank you to my amazing husband for being my rock, thank you Lauren for being there, always, with the right thing to say. I am so incredibly blessed with my little family and the greatest family and friends in the world. I am not sure what I would do without any of you!

This is before he even cried, just laying there, almost lifeless

First family picture

He is a very happy baby!