Thankful

Today I am thankful -- thankful for a few things actually!

Remember my post about being frustrated that Joe had to work on Fridays and those were my doctor days?? Welllllll.......his work decided it was better for them if he worked Saturday - Tuesday! No more Fridays! I am beyond elated that he won't have to rearrange anything to go to my appointments and he will be there for me and baby E! Our next appointment is February 15th -- hoping not a thing changed (unless of course more healing is taking place, then I'll take it!)

I am also beyong thankful for some pretty amazing friends.  We have been feeling kind of lost, spiritually, since we have been home.  The church we used to go to when we lived here the first time was amazing, we loved it, couldn't wait to be back.  We are back now but I can't say that it is the right place for us.  My only thought is that we grew so much in our walk with Jesus being at DC in Republic that I just don't feel what I felt at DC.  When I say we need a DC in St. Louis, I'm not kidding! So until we find a place to call "home" here, we will listen to the DC worship CD and then the podcast in hopes of creating our own DC in our living room!  Now back to our amazing friends -- Joe and I went out to eat last Thursday and we were talking about a particular family that we miss dearly, I look over and tears are streaming down his face - right there, in the middle of Applebee's - tears. My husband - crying - in public - at the simple thought of how much he misses them...my heart broke. I knew how much of an impact they had made on my life and they (she) knows it too, but I had NO clue that he had that same emotion as me - I guess we need to talk more :)  Anyways, right as we are feeling most down and most desperate for our friends to be back, I get a text from her just lifting us up. Sometimes people just know what to say and when - I can't imagine our lives without them.  300 miles will NOT let us lose the friendships we made. We miss all of you guys so much!

Speaking of feeling lost - I have been feeling attacked lately.  I have been so positive about our journey with Evie and coming to the realization that we have been chosen for her but sometimes I can't help but find myself wishing I was having a "normal" baby. Then I hear Nicole's voice in my head saying "who decides what normal is - maybe she is the normal one and we aren't".  I know she will be perfect in every sense of the word and I feel awful after those terrible thoughts go through my head. I then remember that I am extremely THANKFUL for this baby. The doctors said I couldn't have a baby then 3 years later we got Gavin and then they told me after his birth I was physically incapable of conceiving on my own and here I am 24 weeks pregnant with our perfect baby girl - all on our own. I am thankful for this miracle, but can't help but feel attacked lately...prayers appreciated :)

We have an exciting 3 weeks coming up and I am so ready! This weekend is the women's conference at DC in Republic. Joe's parents are watching Gavin for us while he works and I get to go see all of my friends in Republic and be blessed at an amazing conference. The next week we get to see our baby girl again and the week after that we get to see her yet again and our friends from Republic are coming to St. Louis! Time sure is flying and we have so much to do but I remain extremely thankful for everything that has been given to me!

**EDIT** I can't believe I published this post without mentioning how THANKFUL I am for my amazing parents! Both of my parents have more than stepped up to the plate with us moving home. They have rearranged their schedules and lives to accomodate my little family living in their basement. They have spent who knows how much money finishing their basement just for us and putting in whatever it is that we need down there to make it comfortable for us so that we can be there as long as possible to save money and pay off our debt once and for all.  We are still finishing it up - painting and such - so my parents have sacraficed the last how ever many weekends to help with the basement. When Joe works they are the first to step in. I am a complete emotional mess lately and my mom can sense when I am at my breaking point and joyfully takes Gavin off my hands so I can have a mommy break.  My sister and I used to never get along and were always at each other's throats and now we can see more eye to eye. While she makes me crazy because she is a typical teenager and doesn't always pull her weight around the house, she is usually a complete blessing to me and Gavin. She loves playing with G and always helps with things I shouldn't be doing like lifting dog food and carrying things up and down the steps. I have been beyond blessed with the most understanding, caring and helpful parents out there and I couldn't be more thankful for everything they have done and continue to do for me!