Praise Jesus!

So we went to the doctor again yesterday.  For some reason, I was expecting terrible news as we have gotten pretty descent news to this point. My thought process was that it isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies so I was trying to prepare for not great news.  I have been so strong in the past and known that I was meant to have our sweet angel but yesterday I did not have that feeling.  I was mad that our baby girl was going to have so many "issues" and mad that I wasn't getting a perfectly healthy baby.  So needless to say, the mood I was in at this appointment started off a lot differently than in the past.

We got to the appointment and they told us no co-pay! I was not about to argue with the lady.  I had just gotten the news from our benefits manager at work that since it is a medical necessity and not "normal maternity services" I would have to pay the $60 co-pay at EVERY SINGLE VISIT! By the time we had Evie that would have been over $1,000 out of pocket that doesn't count towards deductibles or max out of pocket or anything.  So when the lady at the front desk said "and you have no co-pay today" I just smiled and ran to my seat hoping she wouldn't find a mistake.

We went back for the ultrasound and I quickly realized I wasn't going to be lucky 2 appointments in a row with an awesome tech. We had a lady that was very rude and was not appreciative of all of our questions.  She didn't tell us what she was looking at and when we asked she promised she would tell us but then never did. So we had to wait to talk to the doctor to find anything out.  All we learned was that Evie was 2 pounds and measuring about a week behind.  She has been measuring small the entire pregnancy (she can blame it on herself for making mommy sick all the time) so I wasn't too alarmed.  She printed pictures for us (after my doctor told her to) and then we had to wait for the doc.

We got to our room and waited for about 10 minutes, but we were early anyways.  My doctor came in at his scheduled time and said "what questions do you have?" I love that he always wants to get my questions out of the way and then talk and then more questions - I love asking my questions :)

My first question: Is her head fully formed? In the 3D pictures it looks like her head doesn't match up and there is a hole in it on the top.  I know that there is a condition that is closely related to SB that can cause the head not to fully form so that is always on my mind.  He assured me (after lightly laughing at me) that her entire head was in tact and that the way the 3D ultrasound scans causes the image to look like it doesn't match up if the baby is moving.  In case I haven't said before - Evie is a COMPLETE wigle worm! My ultrasounds take much longer than they are supposed to because they can never get a good look at her and she likes to hide her SB with her hand - she's a little shy about it still!

Second question: When will I have this baby? I was hoping for May 10th as that is my great-grandma's birthday, Evelyn, who we are naming Evie after - how cool would that have been?! He said since she is measuring small anyways he would rather not complicate things by having a baby that needed extra nutrition or breathing help.  He said we will shoot for May 20th first thing in the morning that way the pediatric neurosurgeon will be in (it's a Monday) and if there happen to be any complications all the doctors she would need would be there for an entire week to get her all fixed up.  I promised him I was just giving him trouble about the 10th and that the 20th was a perfectly acceptable due date! (things may change though)

Third question: What will my appointments start looking like - what's the plan? We all know I LOVE a good plan!!! I am 26 weeks today and my visits are already about to get crazy! We go back in 3 weeks to see the doctor - after that appointment I go to see and talk to my doctor every 2 weeks until I am 36 weeks then every week until I deliver. But that is just talking to the doctor.  After my next appointment I have to go in TWICE a week to get fetal testing.  Babies with SB have an increased risk of still-birth so they like to see her twice a week to make sure the fluid is all looking good and her heart is good.  I will go twice a week for an ultrasound and fetal heart monitoring. They will listen to her heart for 30 minutes and do an ultrasound twice every week and then be on my way. Praying I don't have to pay a co-pay at each of those appointments because my bank account will not love that. 

We then spoke about Evie's ultrasound and the findings.  Her ventricles are stable - they haven't really grown in the past 4 weeks (one of them was 1/10 of a cm larger but that could just be the way that particular tech was measuring compared to the other).  This is great news.  The doctor said most of the time the ventricles don't increase in size over the pregnancy (they don't know why, just one of those mysteries of the brain).  So if they are going to stay where they are at they are at the very TIP TOP of the "normal" range.  This doesn't guarantee that she won't need a shunt but it is a good sign that she isn't having issues with draining the fluid from her brain.  Again, all of this could change and the doctor always reminds me that the signs in-vitro aren't great indicators or predictors of how she will do outside of the womb.

Next up - her feet! I am obssessed with ensuring her feet are not becoming clubbed.  I know that if they are that will require additional surgeries for her to be able to walk and I would just like to avoid any other complications at this point! Her feet are NOT clubbed! Her bones look great and perfectly straight (I think her feet look big!). So more GREAT news!

Lastly, her back. The area is still measuring the same, it didn't grow and the doctor said it won't necessarily grow. It could be 1cm like it is measuring now when she is born or it could grow a little bit.  Either way, he believes the abnormality is only affecting 2 vertabrae.  So again, a waiting game on the size! Then my doctor brought up our AFP results.  He pretty much said he was shocked at how low they were and now believes there is some sort of thin covering over the abnormality on her back. He said the combination of those test results and my ultrasound on Friday he is pretty certain there is something there.  In the ultraound you can kind of see something going over the back now.  Not protruding like a cyst, but some covering going over the spine.  This is WONDERFUL! That means her nerve endings that are not being tucked away and protected like they should cannot just float all around and be damaged out in the amniotic fluid.  While amniotic fluid can still seep into her spinal cord (which is what causes the damage) it is great that they can't be all willy nilly out there getting crazy on us :)

This is pretty much best case scenario at this point. Ventricles stable, no clubbed feet, heart looks great, most likely a covering over spine and the area is not growing.

PRAISE JESUS!

Needless to say by the end of the appointment my no-good, sour attitude about this situation was gone and I was completely relieved.  It was wonderful to get good news again and I am just so thankful! Prayers do work and our girl might have just minimal damage due to this new-found covering! Again, only time will tell and we won't know the extent of her SB until she is almost a year old, but at least we have great signs now that can predict she will have pretty good function!

I have now started my insance project of making Evie's bedding. We calculated how much fabric we needed last night and we are going to make a trip to JoAnn's after lunch to get the solid colors I need and place the order for the prints next week. Wish me luck, I have a feeling I bit off more than I can chew but this was the only material I loved and we all know I have to love it to spend that kind of money!

I will continue to pray daily for our girl (actually multiple times a day - HA!) and believe that OUR GOD IS GREATER - because HE is!!

Much love to all!

More nervous than ever!

Friday we have another appointment with my doctor where we will do the ultrasound and meet with him to discuss everything -- I am not sure why I am so nervous! I am more nervous about this appointment than I have been for any of my past appointments. 

Before, we knew there were abnormalities with Evie's spine and we were going to fill our brains with as much information as possible to simply begin to sort out what her story would entail.  Tomorrow is different to me, I guess....

Friday we have something to compare all of this to. We have a "starting" point from our previous ultrasound and then it will be compared to the ultrasound we get on Friday.  While we have gotten great news to this point, for some reason I am having a hard time allowing myself to believe we will always get good news at every appointment so for some reason I have prepared myself for bad news this time around (as if the SB news wasn't bad enough? I don't know). 

I am terrified.  What if the opening suddenly grew? What if her ventricles inflated and her head is now considered abnormally large? What if her feet are clubbed now?

Before we had no expectations because we were just trying to figure all of this out.  Now we have the expectation that our God is healing her, but what if all the healing is done and this is it?

I am not sure why I am finding this so difficult the past few days. I just can't get it out of my mind.  You would think I would have emmense faith and know that everything is going to be just fine and that our sweet girl is being healed slowly, but I just can't muster that up inside of me. I guess at some point this positive person that is always finding the light and standing strong knowing that God is taking care of her has a weak moment? I can't always be the strong one.  I am always having to tell the family and husband that it will all be ok, but when will someone tell me it will all be ok? Will it? Will it all really be ok?

I guess I need to spend a little extra time on my knees the next few nights to find peace for myself before I eventually break. 

Thankful

Today I am thankful -- thankful for a few things actually!

Remember my post about being frustrated that Joe had to work on Fridays and those were my doctor days?? Welllllll.......his work decided it was better for them if he worked Saturday - Tuesday! No more Fridays! I am beyond elated that he won't have to rearrange anything to go to my appointments and he will be there for me and baby E! Our next appointment is February 15th -- hoping not a thing changed (unless of course more healing is taking place, then I'll take it!)

I am also beyong thankful for some pretty amazing friends.  We have been feeling kind of lost, spiritually, since we have been home.  The church we used to go to when we lived here the first time was amazing, we loved it, couldn't wait to be back.  We are back now but I can't say that it is the right place for us.  My only thought is that we grew so much in our walk with Jesus being at DC in Republic that I just don't feel what I felt at DC.  When I say we need a DC in St. Louis, I'm not kidding! So until we find a place to call "home" here, we will listen to the DC worship CD and then the podcast in hopes of creating our own DC in our living room!  Now back to our amazing friends -- Joe and I went out to eat last Thursday and we were talking about a particular family that we miss dearly, I look over and tears are streaming down his face - right there, in the middle of Applebee's - tears. My husband - crying - in public - at the simple thought of how much he misses them...my heart broke. I knew how much of an impact they had made on my life and they (she) knows it too, but I had NO clue that he had that same emotion as me - I guess we need to talk more :)  Anyways, right as we are feeling most down and most desperate for our friends to be back, I get a text from her just lifting us up. Sometimes people just know what to say and when - I can't imagine our lives without them.  300 miles will NOT let us lose the friendships we made. We miss all of you guys so much!

Speaking of feeling lost - I have been feeling attacked lately.  I have been so positive about our journey with Evie and coming to the realization that we have been chosen for her but sometimes I can't help but find myself wishing I was having a "normal" baby. Then I hear Nicole's voice in my head saying "who decides what normal is - maybe she is the normal one and we aren't".  I know she will be perfect in every sense of the word and I feel awful after those terrible thoughts go through my head. I then remember that I am extremely THANKFUL for this baby. The doctors said I couldn't have a baby then 3 years later we got Gavin and then they told me after his birth I was physically incapable of conceiving on my own and here I am 24 weeks pregnant with our perfect baby girl - all on our own. I am thankful for this miracle, but can't help but feel attacked lately...prayers appreciated :)

We have an exciting 3 weeks coming up and I am so ready! This weekend is the women's conference at DC in Republic. Joe's parents are watching Gavin for us while he works and I get to go see all of my friends in Republic and be blessed at an amazing conference. The next week we get to see our baby girl again and the week after that we get to see her yet again and our friends from Republic are coming to St. Louis! Time sure is flying and we have so much to do but I remain extremely thankful for everything that has been given to me!

**EDIT** I can't believe I published this post without mentioning how THANKFUL I am for my amazing parents! Both of my parents have more than stepped up to the plate with us moving home. They have rearranged their schedules and lives to accomodate my little family living in their basement. They have spent who knows how much money finishing their basement just for us and putting in whatever it is that we need down there to make it comfortable for us so that we can be there as long as possible to save money and pay off our debt once and for all.  We are still finishing it up - painting and such - so my parents have sacraficed the last how ever many weekends to help with the basement. When Joe works they are the first to step in. I am a complete emotional mess lately and my mom can sense when I am at my breaking point and joyfully takes Gavin off my hands so I can have a mommy break.  My sister and I used to never get along and were always at each other's throats and now we can see more eye to eye. While she makes me crazy because she is a typical teenager and doesn't always pull her weight around the house, she is usually a complete blessing to me and Gavin. She loves playing with G and always helps with things I shouldn't be doing like lifting dog food and carrying things up and down the steps. I have been beyond blessed with the most understanding, caring and helpful parents out there and I couldn't be more thankful for everything they have done and continue to do for me!

AFP Results

Last Friday while we were at the doctor I had my blood drawn for the Alpha-Fetoprotein test.  The test results do not change our course from here on out, it simply provides us a little more information during our waiting game. 

Today, the genetic counselor called me to give me my results.  A normal AFP test (a child without an open neural tube defect) should expect the results to be no higher than 2.5.  A child with some sort of thin covering should expect the number to be between 4-6 and a completely open defect should be expected to be between 8-10 (per my MFM doctor - I didn't just make those up!).  My MFM doctor said he expected my number ot be between 8-10.  While the numbers don't ALWAYS predict whether there is a covering or not or how thick or thin it is, the number does provide some information, generally speaking.

OUR NUMBER WAS 3.1!!!!!!

As I said, my doctor was expecting between 8-10! I can't wait until I seem him next to pick his brain on what he thinks this means.  It is barely over what they consider normal. 

While talking to the genetic counselor, she did say she has a patient right now that has a completely skin covered SB and her number was 1 something, so that means we aren't totally skin covered, but maybe, just MAYBE we have some thin layer of skin or sac or something that isn't showing on ultrasound providing some protection to our little angel's spinal cord rather than it floating all around.

The amniotic fluid is what causes all the damage to the nerves and cord and such. It is toxic.  So if not a lot of protein is coming out to be measured in my blood, not a lot of amniotic fluid can be going in, right?! I know I am no scientist by any stretch of the imagination and sometimes my practical way of thinking can set me up for false hopes, but I really do think that my baby girl is being healed by Jesus and that is why the number is so low.

Now we will continue our waiting game, but it is somewhat comforting knowing that we blew the doctor out of the water with our number compared to his expectations...he just hasn't figured out that our baby is a MIRACLE baby yet :)

Keep the prayers coming....they are working!!!

OUR GOD IS GREATER!!!

Frustrated!

Let's start with the good news.  Joe started his job yesterday at KMOV here in St. Louis. He is a News Producer and they pretty much created the job just for him so that he didn't go work for a competitor because they didn't have a position for him open when he applied.  He works Friday - Monday (Friday and Monday are daytime hours and Saturday and Sunday are afternoon/evening hours -- could be worse).  He makes MORE money working part time at this station than he did in Springfield where he was pulling his hair out due to frutration, so that is always good. That means Gavin only has to be in daycare 2 days a week while Joe is at work so we are saving huge on daycare expenses in St. Louis - which I might add are CRAAAAAZY compared to Republic! So that's the good news.

The bad news is that my Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctor or "high risk OB" is only at his clinic on Fridays until 11:30 a.m. He teaches at SLU and does work at Fetal Care Institute (FCI) which is where Evie's doctors are. So there really isn't an alternate time we can go see him, it's Friday mornings or nothing.  THIS BLOWS! Joe is the one that completely understands what the tech is saying and showing us during the ultrasounds. I know what to ask and can gather information but it sucks not having someone there to explain what they are seeing in a way that I can understand.

I know things could be a lot worse and I am SO thankful he has a job in the industry he loves, but Fridays, really? Why can't he work like Saturday - Tuesday?!?! His work knows about these appointments but I guess we can't be too picky since this job technically isn't even really a position.

My mom has said all along she would be at any appointments we wanted her at, looks like I will be taking her up on that offer. I just hate to interrupt her busy day because I know she is in meetings or trying to meet crazy deadlines every single day at work. I know this is important to her too and she wants to do whatever we need her to do, I just hate to ask her to attend these appointments with me because the later in pregnancy I get the more frequent they are. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime I am just frustrated that Joe can't be at my appointments :(

UGH!

Miracle in the Making!

We went to the doctor again on Friday, just 8 days since I had seen all the specialists at the Fetal Care Institute.  The doctor we saw was my "high risk" maternal fetal medicine doctor.  We loved him when we met him at FCI and he happens to have a practice so I decided to keep him for consistency and just becuase!

While at his office I had another ultrasound.  For the first time EVER, Evie decided she would cooperate without too much hoaxing! She was wiggling like crazy but our tech was the best yet and was able to keep up with her.  The tech was explaining everything she was seeing, and we were, of course, asking a million questions. 

Right now we know enough to get us in trouble. We know that we need to keep an eye on the ventricle sizes and that they are maxed out for what is considered "normal" so we don't want them any bigger.  We know that her head size is great right now and that we don't want any more fluid build-up around her brain.  We know how to correctly view her feet and leg bones to check for clubbed feet...so again, we know enough to get us in trouble and ask thousands millions of questions during the ultrasound! Our tech was great, she was glad we were so informed and she gladly answered all our questions and showed us exactly what she was seeing.

Evie's head was checked, her ventricles were the same. While this is GREAT news, it was only 8 days since the last check, so the doctor wasn't expecting any big changes.  Her head still looks like a little lemon, but the fluid is stable and her head size is still good. 

The tech was telling us all about her brain and I was like great, moving on, can we look at her little back -- afterall, that is what the BIGGEST issue is! I kept asking and asking how her back looked, where it was looking like the abnormality was and so on.  She kept saying she couldn't see anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She said "I can see some widening, but it's not alarming" so she pulled out a different probe and put it in my belly button.  It wasn't that uncomfortable for me but Joe said it looked painful.  It was with that probe she could FINALLY see the "abnormality" and was actually able to measure the size of the opening. 

The opening in Evie's back is less than 1cm right now.  While it will grow, the doctor said it will only be the size of 2 vertabrae and on a baby that should be about an inch, maybe a little bigger maybe a little smaller. 

This is the most AMAZING news we have gotten. The tech kept saying if it wasn't for the signs in E's head she would have never thought she had SB.  It is wonderful that we have these fantastic doctors at our finger tips and they are able to prepare us and baby girl for her upcoming fight.  What is completely insane is that Joe, my mom and I all saw the abnormality just 8 days prior without any special probes. It was pretty big and it looked like her spine just stopped and then started. It was quite literally a black hole in the ultrasound and now everything was there....the tech even pulled in my doctor to look for himself.  He said that before it looked like her spine just stopped and now it was all there. 

CAN WE SAY THIS IS A MIRACLE IN THE MAKING?!?!?!

I saw it, we all saw it. Her spine was not there just 8 days earlier.  It was the same machine, the same doctor viewing and reading the images, I swear, this is a stinkin miracle!

I would like to be face to face with ANY person that does not believe in our amazing GOD! I will show them the pictures myself, I will tell them myself....HE is here, HE is real, HE is in the business of miracles.  If he is interested in healing my baby girl who hasn't even set foot on our soil or breathed our air, HE is interested in saving EACH of us! I promise, this is a miracle! My baby girl is being healed right in front of our eyes! I don't know how else to explain it, there isn't any medical reason her spine magically appeared. 

While we understand, with SB things are constantly changing, at least her opening is little and her spine is there. Common sense would tell us all the smaller the area is open the less damage can be done to the nerves that float in and out of that opening. 

We go back to my doctor again February 15th for another ultrasound and to meet with the doctor. I then go back to FCI to meet with Evie's doctors on February 21st.  I love that I get to see my baby girl all the time now.  While it is under the least of ideal circumstances, at least I get to see her sweet face (I think she already looks like me!) They print us pictures every visit...here is a picture of our sweet girl praising Jesus with a smirk on her face! (the part that looks like is on her face and above her head is her cord, don't be alarmed :))

Prayer

Since we found out the news of Evie having Spina Bifida we have had countless people praying for us and our sweet girl.  While most people don't think about what to actually pray (it just comes to them naturally) I sometimes have problems with knowing where to start or what to say or ask for. 

A good friend of ours we met during our time in Republic posted a prayer she had been praying for Evie...I thought I would share as it is so specific to her and her needs and for those of us that need a place to start or would like to join us in prayer it is a fabulous little prayer!

"Lord, because You have instructed us in Your word that we are to pray for one another so that we may be healed, I pray for healing and wholeness for Evie.  I pray that sickness and infirmity will have no place or power in her life.  Ipray for protection against any diease coming into her body.  Your Word says "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions" (Psalm,107:20) Wherever there is disease, illness, or infirmity in her body, I pray that You, Lord, would touch her with Your healing power and restore her to total health.  Deliver her from any destruction or injury that could come upon her.  Specifically I ask You to heal her spine and back.  If she is to see a doctor, I Pray that You, Lord, would show us who that should be.  Give that doctor wisdom and full knowledge of the best way to proceed. Thank You, Lord, that You suffered and died for us so that we might be healed.  I lay claim to that heritage of healing which You have promised in Your word and provided for those who believe.  I look to You for life of health, healing, and wholeness for Evie."

Thanks again to all of you out there praying for our girl.  She truly is our miracle.  We know she was sent to us for a reason.  It took a long while to accept the fact that we were chosen to be her parents for a reason, but I do think we are finally sitting in the right frame of mind.  I believe our God is healer and I know that He has a plan for our little angel. 

(On a side note: I listen to this song ALL.DAY.LONG -- it's my anthem for my girl!!! -- enjoy!)

Lots of love to you all!

Update Part 2

So I started my job (same law firm, new location) in St. Louis on Monday.  Wednesday I had a fetal MRI done and yesterday we met with a whole bunch of doctors...neonatologist, uroligist, pediatric neurosurgeon, OB (MFM specialist), ultrasound, nurse, NICU coordinator, took a tour of the NICU, genetic counselor, family counselor, footprints coordinator....literally all of those people we met with! We were at the Fetal Care Center at Cardinal Glennon from 8AM until 3:30PM.  (My work is beyond understanding!) So here is a summary (yes summary) of what we found out:

Evie's Spina Bifida (SB) starts at L4 and goes somewhere between S2-S3/4 (it is really hard to tell in this region since the Sacral area is 5 vertebrae all fused together to form one big bone, they won't be able to tell EXACTLY where it starts closing again until she is born).  The SB is completely open.  When we did our research on the internet (just FYI if you ever get a scary diagnosis try as best you can to stay off the internet!) and saw diagrams of what SB was and it will show a little baby with a spina cord that kind of goes and then comes out, loops up and then goes back in.  Hers doesn't do that.  It never loops up.  It is in place all the way down but there is NO covering.  No cyst, no skin layer (that they can see) no anything. It is quite literally a gaping hole in her back, exposing all of her nerves. 

This is the biggest problem at the moment.  Since there is nothing over the spine her nerves are being damaged by the amniotic fluid and her spinal fluid isn't able to be contained.  Also for concern, the area in which the opening is, is right where all the nerve endings come together.  So there are multiple nerves being damaged, not just 1.  We anticipate with this location Evie will be able to have good function of her hips and thigs but the bottom of her legs will more than likely be pretty weak and she may need leg braces to help support her to walk.  This isn't to say she won't need a walker or crutches to learn to walk and most of her motor skills will probably be delayed. 

The hardest part for me emotionally about the back issue of this diagnosis is knowing that there is no covering.  Her nerves are nicely tucked away and protected. They kind of go in and out of the back and float around.  I think of like seaweed, it floats and moves around like that (in my head) -- the doctor agreed that is sort of what they are doing.  I haven't met or talked to anyone who has a child with SB that hasn't had a cyst or skin covering the nerves so I am really unsure what to expect at this point. 

Also -- to make matters MORE confusing...what Evie has going on isn't technically, technically SB.  SB is when the cord either comes out and has a cyst or covering or doesn't come out and has a cyst or covering.  So while it is classified as Spina Bifida for a generality, it is really just what they call an open neural tube defect.  Again, don't look it up on the internet, the internet is far scarier than what I think we are dealing with.

Our doctor did reassure us that this case is what he would consider to be a "small to medium" sized cased.  He has seen much, much worse and everything else with Evie (will explain later), is looking good to this point.

So, those are the back issues.  With SB there are other issues with the brain and legs to deal with, though.

So let's do the legs.  Evie's legs are normal right now.  Her feet are not clubbed and are pointing in the direction they should.  Her bones look  nice and straight at this point.  While this is FABULOUS news, that doesn't necesarily mean it will stay that way.  Since there are so many nerves being damaged from floating around there is a possibility that the nerves could get damaged down the road and cause club feet or something else.  At this point we are just believing that God is taking care of her and will protect her and heal her. We are at peace with this.

Now, the brain.  Most of the time when people talk about the brain that is what they are most worried abut.  With SB that isn't always the case.  There are minimal learning difficulties with kids with SB in the region Evie has it.  It is mostly just mis-shaped parts in her brain.  For starters, her head, when looking down, so what would be the top of our heads, is shaped like a lemon right now.  It isn't oval and kind of comes more to a point at the front.  This will correct itself before she is born and when she is born you shouldn't be able to tell she ever had "the lemon sign".  She also has the "banana sign".  (I know, we have an entire basket of fruit up there!) -- Your cerebellum is supposed to be shaped like if you cup your two hands into the letter "C" and then moved your hands close together so that your thumbs touch -- that is what it should look like.  But since her spine is pulling down where her opening is hers is more shaped like a banana, so start moving your thumbs down and you can see how it starts to look like a banana instead of the 2 "Cs".  This doesn't cause any harm, it is just another thing that shows that her spine is tugging a little bit.  Hers isn't completely rounded out in the middle, you can still see where it goes in a bit like it should, just not all the way. 

Now, onto the ventricles. The ventricles are the spaces in your brain that drain fluid away from the brain.  They should be under 1mm to be considered "normal".  Hers are at .9 and right at 1mm.  While this is on the top range of normal, they could be a lot worse already at this point.  We don't want them getting too large.  We are completely prepared for her needing a shunt after she is born which will help drain the fluid from her brain and deposit it in her stomach where it will be absorbed. She will be monitored closely after birth to see if she needs to have the surgery to place the shunt. 

Her head is not considered large at this point.  While that isn't an indicator of much since Joe has a small head to begin with, it is a sign that the fluid that is already around her brain isn't considered severe to this point.  For obvious reasons, the increased fluid and swelling of the head can cause major issues, and I would LOVE to avoid them!

Now onto what will happen once she is born -- I will deliver baby girl via C-Section sometime between 36-38 weeks depending on her development.  While it seems logical for her to come earlier than that to avoid any more possible nerve damage to her spine, there is no proof that delivering early will prevent further damage. So, it makes sense to not cause any more problems than we already have and let her cook as much as possible without harming her or letting me go into labor.  I will deliver her at St. Mary's Hospital in St. Louis.  We wil have her for no more than 2 hours before she is taken.  This could potentially be the only time Gavin gets to meet his baby sister until she is released from the NICU.  We will hold her (only on her tummy to prevent pressure on her back) and take as many pictures and get as many kisses as possible.  She will then be transported via ambulance in her mini NICU unit with Joe to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital which is about 5 miles up the road.  She will get placed in the NICU there and undergo surgery to close her spine and skin up before she is even 24 hours old.  As long as the surgery goes ok and a plastic surgeon isn't needed to close her skin, (if there isn't enough skin, slits have to be made in her back to get it to stretch and a plastic surgeon is needed to do that), she will be able to come home in 2-3 weeks.  If the plastic surgeon is needed, it could be up to 3 months.  Depending on the flu season and any sicknesses that could be going around, Gavin may or may not be able to be in the NICU.  We have to be prepared that he won't be able to go in, but we are optimistic he will be able to.

Each room at the NICU is private with a pull out bed and rocking chair.  They have the little incubator looking beds when she is being weaned off the heat and little mini cribs for her.  We can decorate her room and make it like home.  I am excited about that part.  The visitation is a little interesting there.  There aren't many rules, except NO children under the age of 16 are allowed back unless they are a direct sibling of the child in the NICU.  Grandparents and parents are allowed 24/7 and all other visitors must leave by 8pm.  You have to be on our pre-approved list to get back there and have to show ID at 2 different checkpoints in the hospital.  Each NICU nurse has a maximum of 3 babies at any one time (depending on the conditions of each of her kiddos).  I get to eat there for all my meals for free since I will be nursing and their cafeteria food is actually really good!

I am pretty upset about being so far away from my little baby and everyone else gets to see her except me and then who does the family go see, her or me? I know that it is what is best for both of us, I just hate that we are so far away and I won't get to see my baby and she won't get to hear her mommy.

After she is released we will have numerous follow up appointments the first 3 months.  If everything is stable she will come back at 6 months and then at a year.  I am not even looking past the NICU at this point but at least we kind of know what we are expecting.  The hospital has "clinics" every month where the entire team of SB specialists will be in the same place at one time to do all of our appointments on the same day to prevent us from running around, so that is great. 

Now to my family that is reading this -- my sister, Joe's sisters and all our nieces and nephews have a 1-2% increased risk of having a baby with SB.  It is highly recommended that all of you take increased doses of folic acid at least 1 month prior to attempting to conceive.

We have confirmed that Evie does not have the Cystic Fibrosis gene (my sister is a carrier so I was tested -- Evie's bowels were also showing "bright" on the first ultrasound which could be a sign of CF -- but she is all good!) AND -- we just found out Evie's chromosome count is all good! So no Downs Syndrome or any other disorder.  The only thing on our plate is the SB and that's enough for us!

I do believe that is what we know for right now.  Yesterday was complete information overload and I am SO thankful my mom was there to take notes and ask the questions we were too worn out to ask.  I got home and read all her notes and sometimes it seemed as though I was hearing some things for the first time!

We are now going to fight for our baby girl, be her biggest advocate and do everything in our power to do whatever we can do for her.  When we first got this diagnosis we kept asking "why us" now we are at peace with all of this and are thankful to have been chosen to be her parents. 

I have been reminded again and again that sometimes everything can't go perfect because if it did people wouldn't need Jesus.  When things like this happen it can be easy to be mad and turn away but it is in times like these that we need to RUN to Jesus and let him be in control.  I am working on the "being still" part and letting him be God, because afterall, HE has this all planned out for us! He is showing us his handy work and that he is still in the business of miracles and we are just so thankful, overjoyed and humbled by it all.

Thank you to all of our friends and family for your continuous love, support and prayers.  Thank you DC for all of your prayers over the past weeks and for praying for us last Sunday.  We miss you all!

Time for a life UPDATE!

Well I guess it's been a while -- time for a life update to keep all my family and friends in the loop! 

Gavin is now ONE! We had his first birthday party on his actual birthday, January 5th. The theme was Winter ONEderland and we had lots of family, friends and treats! I decorated our house (in Republic) with snowflakes and the colors were blue, red and white.  We had an entire table of candy, snow cone machine, punch fountain and lots of laughs and presents! We had a lot of fun at the party and also said goodbye to our friends we had made in Republic as we moved back to St. Louis on Sunday, the 6th. 

As most all of you know, Joe and I found out we are expecting our second little miracle sometime in May.  We found out we were pregnant in September, which was a TOTAL surprise.  When I finally conceived Gavin they told us I was inable to conceive on my own and that they would see me back next time we wanted to add to the family.  Without getting into specifics, there were physical reasons I couldn't conceive. Well to our suprise, the doctors were totally wrong and we are now expecting a baby girl, Evie Nichole. She is named after my great-grandma, Evelyn.

While we never really thought I would actually be able to get pregnant we had been talking for about a month or two how nice it would be for our kids to be close in age, like 2 years apart.  Since it took so long with Gavin we figured, what the heck may as well see if it happens.  We were elated and told our family when I was 8 weeks along and had the ultrasound pictures to prove it :)

We found out on December 22nd that our  little baby was a girl and we were elated that we would have one of each.  What seemed to take forever to get our family going was quickly, and I mean quickly, becoming a reality that we never thought we would have. 

On December 31st we had our anatomy ultrasound with the doctor (we found out gender at Ultrasona -- not a medical facility).  While at the appointment we really had no expectations.  We figured they would do some measuring, confirm it was a girl, print us some pictures and we would be on our way.  That isn't exactly how it went.

I was on the table getting the ultrasound, the tech was talking, he was having a hard time finding some things in her brain, we didn't think much of it because she was being stubborn and not giving him good angles, so we just assumed that was the problem. He confirmed it was a girl and that all took about an hour.  He said he was going to pick up the pictures off the printer and he would be right back.

We waited. And waited. And waited.  About 15 minutes passed and a different lady walked in our room.  It was the doctor, maternal fetal medicine doctor.  She said she needed to look at the ultrasound herself.  My face went blank, with tears running down my face I said "is something wrong?" and she just shook her head and said "we think so".  I couldn't stop crying at this point. I was uncontrollable. Shaking. 

The doctor pointed out sime things in baby Evie's brain.  Her ventricles were not sized correctly, her cerebellum was not shaped like a dunbell, it was shaped more like a banana and the top view of her head wasn't an oval shape, it was more like a lemon.  She then went and attempted to look at her spine, which proved to be another difficult feat.  I laid on my side, we wiggled her around and finally they got an "ok" image and said there was a problem with her spine where it didn't close.  The term for this is Spina Bifida.  I was heartbroken. Completely heartbroken.  The doctor wouldn't explain to us what it was there in the ultrasound room.  She called a nurse to get my vitals - I am now on the verge of passing out, can't stand, crying hysterically, shaking and asking God "why me, why my baby?". 

A million things are running through my head, I don't even know that I want to share everything I was thinking but I was a mess.  While I was waiting for the nurse to come and get me I called my mom and told her we didn't know much more but that Evie had been diagnosed with Spina Bifida.  I then called my dear friend Jen and asked that she please start praying and let the girls know at church that we were in desperate need of prayers and strength.  Then I sent out a million text messages, they all read the same "Ultraound this morning bad.  Baby is abnormal. Has spina bifida. Don't know much more.  I'm a mess. Talk later.".  I don't even remember who all I sent that to but I knew I had to let people know. 

We met with the doctor.  We didn't know what to ask because we didn't know what exactly the condition was.  She couldn't tell us an exact location of the Spina Bifida because the images were so bad.  She gave us some information on fetal surgery at a center in San Francisco, CA and I got blood orders to check for other defects.  We left, in hysterics and went home and cried for the rest of the day. 

We decided we should get all the information on both fetal and post-natal surgery.  The next day all the offices were closed for New Year day so we had to wait until the 2nd to get any more information which allowed us time to try and understand just what was going on and what the condition was.  On the 2nd I talked to the doctor who said she was going to call San Francisco about getting us an appointment to meet with those doctors and that she was referring us to another facility in St. Louis.  About 2 hours after I talked to her the first time, the doctor called back and said I was not eligible for the fetal surgery.  I was completely heartbroken.  To me, that was the only way that I knew that I could help our baby girl.  It was the only thing that could help reverse some of the issues she would be facing and the only option I could see at the time that made sense.  Since this option was off the table, I felt helpless and that all hope was gone for our baby girl. 

Now skip ahead, Gavin's birthday party (as mentioned above) was in 3 days and I had a ton to do.  My last day at our Springfield office was Thursday and mom and I were cooking and preparing for the party all day Friday. Saturday was the big  party and after everyone left we went into a packing frenzy and started loading trucks.  Sunday morning we went to church for our last service at DC.  We were completely moved.  The entire church and Pastor Chad prayed over us and our baby girl.  I was brought to tears more than once.  It was going to be the last regular service I stood next to my best friend and worshiped the Lord with her.  She gave me a journal and a bracelet.  I am forever grateful.  I was able to keep it together saying bye to everyone until I got to Rob.  I criend my eyes out.  Rob and Jen have been there for us at the snap of a finger both physically, emotionally...just everything, anything.  It is hard to understand that we deserve such a friendship because sometimes we don't feel worthy, but we are forever grateful for their family. 

We went back "home" picked up my sister and a few other things and headed to St. Louis.  We got to St. Louis around 2:30 on Sunday afternoon and unloaded everything.  We are staying with my parents for a while to get things figured out.  They finished their basement into an apartment for us.  It is about 750 square feet, but we will make it work.  The problem is, it didn't get finished until Wednesday. That means all of our stuff is dumped in their house everywhere, literally everywhere.  We plan on getting everything downstairs today and tonight and should sleep in our own beds.

Gavin is cutting more and more teeth.  He is working on teeth 9, 10 and 11 at the moment along with no regular schedule and a different place with different stuff. So needless to say, the past week has been rough on all of us.

Monday morning I started work at our St. Louis office and everyone has been great.  I love the people I am working for and love the office itself. 

Yesterday we had an entire day of doctor appointments at the Fetal Care Center.  It was completely exhausting. 

Later today I will post what we found out yesterday....I will let your eyes and brain rest from this gigantic post!

Where have the past 6 months gone?

I know everyone told me time would fly once Gavin was here, but seriously? They weren't kidding! I can't believe my baby boy will be 6 months old in 3 days.  July 5th will be a VERY special day for us.  That is Gavin's 6 month birthday and my Aunt Cin's birthday.  Last year on her birthday she was suffering, now she is free, so we will celebrate her and Gavin all in the same day, and I will make sure that day is a very happy and special day for all of us!

At Gavin's 6 month check up he was 17.8 pounds (75th percentile) and 28 1/4 inches long (his percentile dropped on this one, only 97th now!) and his head is in the 25th percentile now.  He did great with his shots while he was getting them, only let out one yell and then he was fine.  The aftermath of the shots was the worse it has been for us yet.  He ran a fever for 3 days, was fussy, not eating well and insisted on being held, only by mommy, 24/7 (not that I'm complaining).  We had to miss our nephew's 4th birthday party too, which sucked, hope he didn't miss us too much ;)

After his appointment we got the all clear to start introducing all sorts of new baby foods to Gavin and our doctor told us a really cool tip for cereal! We put the dry cereal into his baby food and it thickens it up and he gets the nutrition from the cereal.  I know alot of people probably already knew that, but I didn't and thought it was a great idea!

Gavin is now eating an 8oz bottle with 1/8 cup of rice cereal at 7:30, a jar of food and cereal mixed in and an 8oz bottle at 11:30, a 6 oz bottle at 3:30, a jar of food and cereal mixed in and a 4 oz bottle at 6 and another 8oz bottle at 8! Whew, that boy eats a lot!!!! Gavin no longer eats in the middle of the night and sleeps through the night on some occassions, nothing regular, but it's hard to tell because he's TEETHING!!

Gavin's first tooth broke through on Friday, the skin is open and that little white tooth is poking through, not all the way up yet! The one next to it is about to come through too.  He has been fussy and chewing on anything and everything lately!

Not only does the boy have a tooth now, he is a crawling mad man! He goes everywhere, don't look away, he will be gone! He rolls over the entire living room and will crawl too! It's crazy to see him growing so fast, if he understood me he would hear mommy telling him to STOP GROWING on a daily basis! I just seriously cannot believe he is growing so fast! I wish I could stop time, right now and live in it forever!

We have a VERY busy July and can't wait to spend lots of family time together and make lots of memories.  We are taking Gavin on his first camping trip next weekend, that should be fun!

Here are some pics we had taken on Sunday by an awesome photographer! Chelsea Euliss Photography is awesome! Find her on Facebook, I promise you won't regret it :)

Updates!!!

Gavin is 5 months old today! Time is flying and it makes me sad! Here are some updates in our lives:

I have been at my new job for 2 months now. I love it there. I am doing everything I love and work for some amazing people.  I am really enjoying it and I must say, everything ended up working out in the long run!

Joe just got a HUGE promotion at work! He is now going to be the Assignment Editor. He will be deciding what stories the reporters work on day-in and day-out and makes all the calls to different agencies to get details on possible stories.  He should be getting a raise with this job, so that will definately help us out!

We have recently been getting to know a lot of families that we go to church with.  We all live so close (except you Nicole, so hurry on up and get to Republic!) We have really enjoyed doing life with them and getting to know them and their families.  We love to hang out with them, even if it's pizza on a Sunday night or BBQ with water and lots of fun, we are enjoying life so much! This summer is going to be the best one yet!

Gavin updates: At 4 months he was 15 pounds 10 ounces and 27 1/4 inches long. He is 50 percentile in weight, off the charts for height and 10 percentile for his head.  He is a growing boy! He eats between 28-36 ounces a day and is ALMOST sleeping through the night. He wakes up at about 3:30 am for his binky, doesn't need to eat, and then goes back to bed until I wake him up in the morning to get ready for "school". 

He loves his toes, and eating his toes.  He can almost sit up on his own, he just falls side to side, so hopefully he will master that skill soon! Gavin has his 2 eye teeth on the bottom poking through, but not all the way in and his 2 middle bottom teeth are right there too! He chews on EVERYTHING, anything that can make it to his mouth is in his mouth, I promise you that!

He is such a good boy; hardly ever cries. When he does cry it is from waking up from a nap or if he is starving! We confirmed with his doctor that he has seasonal allergies, so he is on medicine for that now.  It was trial and error at first becuase you can't really tell if it's allergies until they go through 2 seasons, but since he got SO much better taking allergy medicine his doctor is very confident that was the culpret for the cough, sneeze, runny nose, etc. 

Gavin was dedicated a few weeks ago and managed to stare down pastor Chad the entire time! It was like he didn't blink or anyting, just sat there and STARED! My mom got him the cutest little suit to wear, we loved it, but the boy is so little around the waist his pants were about to fall off! That would not have been a good thing in front of the entire church! Haha, it all turned out perfect and we are so thankful my parents were able to come down and join us for Gavin's special day.

We have been able to see our families a lot lately. It is nice to see them and for them to see Gavin and how he is growing.  As much as I love to see them all though, I HATE the drive with a baby. Gavin hates sitting that long, even with a break, so he just screams bloody murder for the last 40 minutes no matter what you do to sooth him! My personal opinion is people need to come down here until he is older :)

Some of the fun things we have done sar far since the nice weather: go to the zoo (twice), Gavin was in his first 5k (a 5k for Multiple Myelmoa, a blood cancer my living aunt has), get in the pool for the first time (the kiddie variety), have his 1st BBQ with daddy, go on a hike, and went to his first ever gun show.  We love doing new things with Gavin and introducing him to the world!

We are so very thankful for what God has provided us. We have some awesome friends that are there when we need them, without question, Gavin is learning so much and growing up too fast, and life really couldn't be much better.  We love you all and can't wait for our summer of fun!!!

Here are some pictures:

Gavin and Grandpa Wayne. He thought Grandpa was sooooo funny!

All dressed up for Gavin's dedication

Daddy and Gavin at the zoo for the first time

Gavin at his first gun show! Grandpa Wayne is teaching him early :)

Sitting on Aunt Lauren's lap at the BBQ! He loves Lauren and always laughs at her  :)



Staring down Pator Chad!



Some Pictures from the weekend

I am so obsessed with my baby boy and can never seem to take enough pictures of him! Here are some pictures I took this weekend on our walk at the park.

Back to Work?

So Gavin has had his first full week of daycare this week.  We think he loves it.  The girls love him, he talks to them all day long.  He is completely worn out when he gets home, but never-the-less refuses to sleep through the night!

I seriously thought I would be back to work by now....but.....I'M NOT! I accepted this new job and went to put my notice in at my old job. The HR manager there told me not to come back from maternity leave.  Meanwhile we had already arranged a start date at the daycare so Gavin had to go no matter what.  The lady at my new job assured me it would only take 5-7 days from me accepting the offer to get me started there which should have been this week.  But alas, I am here, at home, not working.  Wow, do I feel worthless.  We can't afford daycare, my parents were kind enough to give us money to pay for it, but that was only enough for this week. We were making such great progress getting out of debt and then this happens.

What was I supposed to do? It wasn't supposed to take this long! I email my new job almost daily requesting an update and letting them know they are causing me tremendous financial difficulty, but I guess all attorneys work at their own pace (which is never fast enough).

Don't get me wrong, I love having my house clean and dinner ready when Joe gets home.  But I don't love being at home in this nice clean house with no baby. It breaks my heart to watch Joe walk out the door with my baby every morning to take him to "school" and knowing I will be in this house all day long with nothing to do.  I can't just trot around town and spend money because we have no money for gas much less shopping. So I sit, check my email 5,000 times a day, write my daily email checking on status and usually end up caving and getting Gavin early from school. 

Today I got Gavin at 3:00 to spend a little extra Mommy - Son time HOPING and PRAYING I start work on Monday.  I just sent them an email telling them the financial difficulties they are causing me and telling them that I have been looking for temporary work until I can start there in hopes of kicking them in gear. No lie, I've spent all day looking for work to do until I can start.

My sister-in-law and her fiance are on their way to see us now, they should be here in 2 hours.  We are going to have a fun weekend, hopefully not spend a ton of money and hopefully I will keep my mind of the feeling I have of being worthless...wish me luck.

Seriously, where has the time gone?

Ok Ok Ok, I know I said I would keep this up but I just haven't, plain and simple! So, here is an update.

Gavin Elijah has blessed us with his presence.  After weeks of doing everything from jumping jacks, pinwheels, walking miles, drinking tons of water, hot wings, the "pregnancy pizza", to buying his first birthday gift and spending a week with my family he decided to come on his own terms!

3:30 am, Thursday January 5, 2012: I woke up to pee (what's new). My undies were all wet (TMI I know).  I thought "damn, did I pee my pants?" I didn't put it past me and didn't think much of it, so I went to the bathroom and went back to sleep.

5:30 am, Thursday January 5, 2012: I woke up to pee again (again, what's new?). My undies were all wet again. This time I thought I couldn't have possibly peed myself twice in two hours! So, I figured my water must have broke. My first thought was, was this actually happening? I felt like Gavin was never going to come out, afterall, I had tried EVERYTHING! So, I called Joe.  He was at work, in the middle of his show, but I knew I had to call.  At this point my water was broke for at least 2 hours, I didn't feel ANY contractions, but I was sure THIS WAS IT! My phone call went something like this: "uh babe, I think it's time".  He was sitting in a very small room with a handful of people so he couldn't ask lots of questions.  I know he asked me if I was sure. I told him I was pretty certain my water had broke and now I had bright red blood so I at least needed to go to labor and delivery.  He said he was leaving work right then (later I found out he peaced out of there so fast and barely said bye to anyone, but he was acting all calm to me).  He went 80mph down the highway to get home.  He got home around 6:00 am and we packed up the car to go to labor & delivery. 

6:30am, Thursday January 5, 2012: We get to the hospital and we got the VERY FIRST parking spot.  I knew it was really time since we got such a great parking spot. We always had to park in the way back of the lot and since we got the first spot I just knew it was real! We walk into the hospital and the lady at the front desk asks why I am there. I told her I thought my water broke so I had to explain the events of the night.  I got into triage and got put on monitors.  Gavin's heart rate was fine and I was having really small contractions but they told me it was "irritability", ya whatever that means.  It was getting time for the nurses to switch shifts so we weren't getting the best help ever, so I was trying so hard to be patient, hard for me! The nurse came in and said they were going to do this test to see if it was really my water breaking.  She checked me and put some fluid on this strip and said "I'm sorry to tell you hun, but your water didn't break". My heart was broken, I wanted him so badly! I said "so, you're telling me I was pissing myself all night?" She laughed, not knowing I was serious, and said, ya, I guess so.

My doctor was in labor & delivery that morning doing a scheduled C-Section so he said he would come by and check me just to double check. He checked me and in two seconds said, ya that was her water.  He looked at the nurse like she was stupid, because she told him it didn't! So thankful my doctor was there! We later found out if I would have been sent home my little angel could have died. (will explain later). My doctor told me to hang out in triage and they would get my IV started and admitted to the hospital. They said to call our families and tell them to head down.  Joe had to leave the room to get reception. He called everyone, including my best friend Lauren who was now waiting (impatiently) for me to get admitted to my room so she could come see us.  My other friend Jen was also on standby to come see me in the hospital. What great friends, they knew we had no family here and were so "johnny on the spot" to come and be with us!

Not 2 minutes after the doctor left we heard Gavin's heart rate slowly decreasing on the monitor.  My new nurse (who was awesome I might add) came in to check on me and we could see in her face something was wrong.  She took the "nurse button", you know the one they lay on your bed with the TV controls on it, and pulled it out of the wall. (apparently this makes a warning go off at the nurses station). 5 nurses, literally 5, came flying into our room.  The door slammed open, my heart stopped, the shoved oxygen on my face and turned it on high. Gavin's heart rate had gone down into the 50's and was in the 70-80's.  Once I had oxygen on and they turned me to my other side his heart rate went up again.  My doctor came back in to talk to us.  He said if the baby "behaved himself" (didn't drop heart rate again) I would go and get some pitocin (I had now been in labor for 4.5 hours and had not progressed).  If the heart dropped again I would need a C-Section.  Sooo....we waited.....and waited....and waited. Again, I am not a very patient person.  I signed the paperwork for a normal delivery and a C-Section, took out my earrings and took off my wedding ring "just in case". An hour passed...he was a good boy....we were getting admitted! YAY!

My new nurse came in, Emily.  She was the nurse that taught our birthing class and I loved her. It was so comforting knowing her already and knowing she totally knew her stuff.  I walked to my room, Room 2.  The Price is Right was just starting, so it was about 10:00 am, I was determined to watch the show, it's my fave! We got into the new room and got situated, I was on the monitors, the new nurses knew our story from earlier so they were watching me and calling me the problem child, I didn't mind, that meant I was getting a lot of attention and they were watching my little miracle like a hawk! They told Joe it was cool to go down and get all of our bags.  I had 3 bags and a birthing ball, so the haul was quite a big one! Joe had just put our stuff down and we again heard Gavin's heart rate dropping.  This time I felt the contraction that I was having at the same time it was dropping.  It went into the 70's this time...and it stayed there....for 4 LOOOONG minutes.  My nurse Emily came rushing in, she saw it on the monitor out in the hall. Then 4 more nurses came in. 

At this very same second, Lauren and Jen had just knocked on my door.  The look in Emily's eyes as she said sternly "Not now, they have to wait", scared me to high heaven.  Joe's face was white, ghost white, I knew he was trying to stay calm, to be my rock. 

Emily had an internal monitor they were going to try to attach to Gavin's head to better monitor his heart rate.  She wasn't able to get it on his head because I was only dilated to a 2.  Another nurse was practically standing on my stomach to move Gavin to get his heart back on the monitor...they lost him....they lost his heart rate....couldn't find it.  They were the professionals and they couldn't find it! Was he ok? Was he still alive? Was my miracle slipping from my hands right as I laid there? Emily called my doctor.  The anesthesiaoligist (sp?) was there in a nano second.  He talked what seemed like forever, I was hyperventialiting and have no idea to this day what he even said to me. I signed a paper that I don't even know what it said, I was crying for my mom, I wanted her there so badly.  Joe called my mom, Emergency C-Section.  Emily was by my side the entire time, she looked me square in the face and said "Dr. Richmond says you are having an emergency C-Section" I said, "like when?" (I wanted my mom to get there in time sooooo badly). Emily said "like now".  Joe was already putting on his scrubs, I was in the wheel chair and being wheeled. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye.  The nurse told Joe she would be back in 20 minutes, the longest 20 minutes of his life.  Emily had another patient so couldn't be my nurse in the OR so I got my third nurse.

I got into the OR and she told me it was going to be very cold.  I got onto the operating table, which is tiny I might add, and had to hunch over and get my spinal block, no time for an epidural.  My legs went numb immediately and I somehow had to get them onto the table, I needed help.  I laid down, got my oxygen, my arms were on this side table thing and I was told not to move them or they would strap them down.  The blue sheet went up in front of my face (yep, like all the shows) and they started surgery.  I remember them saying "incision" but for some reason I didn't really think they were cutting yet, I thought they were just talking about the incision.  I was so loopy, all the nurses were talking about how they could tell I never really took prescription pain killers because I was falling asleep while they were operating!

Joe finally got to come into the room.  I remember him coming in.  I asked him to tell me when they started surgery because I wanted to know when it was getting close.  He laughed and said, "babe, they are about to pull him out!". I was like, what, really? I felt like it took 2 seconds but on the other hand I felt like I was laying there for an eternity! Less than 2 minutes after Joe was in the room they pulled out Gavin.  He didn't cry.  It was silence. I heard nothing.  I think I started to cry but I really don't remember.  I asked Joe if everything was ok. He told me yes even though he didn't know for sure.  Gavin was blue and purple. Not alert. Not crying.  Most babies come out and they are tense and screaming. My baby was limp and not crying. I was horrified.  It felt like minutes before I heard him.  I asked Joe if he had all his fingers and toes, he did, that was good.  Then FINALLY....he let out a scream.  Joe later told me the nurse was really calm so that's why he stayed calm and told me everything was ok.  She was rubbing him and had to pat him on his back to get him to scream.  It was the best noise I ever heard. I sent Joe to take pictures of him.  The nurse weighed him, 8 pounds 7 ounces, 21 inches long, born at 10:58 am. 

It took the doctors about 40 minutes to sew me up. Joe left with Gavin and they were in the recovery area waiting on us.  Joe's mom was there, my mom shortly behind and his sisters behind that. The doctor came over to me, blood stained and all, and explained what was wrong with Gavin. His cord was wrapped around his neck (not the problem) and up around the side of his face.  The side of his face part is the part that almost took him from us.  As I was contracting the oxygen supply was being cut off through the cord. If I would have been sent home as the first nurse wanted, I would have continued to contract at home and his oxygen would continue to be cut off from him, possible causing him to die.  Everything happens for a reason, there is a reason my doctor was already there and even though I was not thrilled about the C-Section there was a reason for that too.  Thanks to my swift acting doctor, I had a healthy baby boy!

After I could wiggle my toes I was able to go up to my room.  Lots of people came to visit us and we were finally discharged after 3 nights.

Our first nights at home were crazy, Gavin had his days and nights confused so we got no sleep.

I have been home with him for 9 weeks and 6 days. Today is his 10 week birthday and he is at daycare as I type. Today was supposed to be my first day back to work, but they told me not to come back when I put my notice in.  I GOT THE JOB! I got the new job! I will now be working at Lathrop & Gage and I got a great raise that will pay for daycare!

Heidi and Stephanie have been so great to us and I know my baby is in great hands, I just hate that I am not with him.  I know he needs to be there and it will help him be more social and our time with him will be so great, I just wish I could logistically take him to work with me AND work. Not gunna happen, so this is the best we could do.  Thank God I know these girls outside of the daycare, we met at church. I don't know if I could have left my baby with complete strangers!

So here I await the word from my new job on my start date. I am waiting for my background check to go thru and then I am as good as gold, I will start right away. I am really excited for this next chapter in my career. I will pick up my little man early today from daycare, but in the meantime I am going to pick up this house and maybe take a nap and have some "me time".

Thank you to everyone who made our hospital stay both comforting and entertaining at times.  Thank you God for a healthy baby, thank you Little Tots for loving my baby as if he was your own. Thank you to my amazing husband for being my rock, thank you Lauren for being there, always, with the right thing to say. I am so incredibly blessed with my little family and the greatest family and friends in the world. I am not sure what I would do without any of you!

This is before he even cried, just laying there, almost lifeless

First family picture

He is a very happy baby!





Lately

There is our little man at 32 weeks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! 

I have so much to be thankful for this year.  I am thankful for my amazingly strong and supportive family.  We have been through a lot this year, but we all hold tight to each other and learn to make it through.  I am thankful that my dear Aunt Cin is no longer in pain and suffering.  She is partying up in heaven now, watching over all of us. We could all use an extra angel, right? I am thankful that God has blessed Joe and me with our first child, a son.  We have waited so long for this and to finally experience it is truly amazing.  It's hard, but always remember, God has a plan, if you want to follow His plan, you must go by HIS timing not your own...I have learned this! I am also so thankful for my amazing best friend. Not sure where I would be without her. LAUREN RAWSON, you are my rock and I know I can always count on you for anything. Whether tragedy hits and I need someone to cry to or my drive home is just making me crazy, I know you will listen! I also have a ton of other friends, old and new that I am incredibly thankful for, my life is what it is because of you! 

Baby Update: So I haven't blogged in forever and I promised it wouldn't be so long the last time, but I do have a half of an excuse, other than being crazy busy lately...our laptop is about to hit the dust and won't connect to the internet, so I have to come use our ancient desktop to make this post :) 

I am 35 weeks this Saturday. Gavin is over 5 pounds and measuring 18.5 inches.  All of our appointments have been normal and the doctor says everything is looking good.  The nursery is all finished with the exception of the bookshelf which my parents will hopefully be bringing down at Christmas time.  


We have been so blessed to have 3 amazing baby showers.  So many people have given us great words of wisdom and some pretty great gifts! We have just about everything we need! 


I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving and remember there is always something to be thankful for, no matter what your circumstances are! Much love to all!

Where has the time gone?

Gosh, it's been forever, so much has been going on.  Today was finally a lazy Sunday, so I promised myself I would update the blog today! So here is what has been going on:

We had a doctor's appointment at the end of August.  Gavin's heart rate was in the 140s, which is great and I am still measuring for a December due date :) I gained 6 pounds, but since I didn't gain any in September, the nurse and doctor weren't worried at all.  The total I had gained to that point was 14 pounds. My hip started bothering me so my doctor suggested a belly support belt. Joe and I went to Babies R Us and got one and it seems to help if I am going to be standing a lot, but sitting it doesn't really help; all it manages to do is squish Gavin causing him to kick me!

Oliva's second birthday party was the second weekend in September. We had so much fun with the Rawson's and seeing that precious miracle baby enjoy her swing set. Life is just so much better with them in it, they are the best!!

September 17th was my first baby shower.  It was hosted by my two sister in laws in Washington, Missouri.  It was great to see family that we hardly ever get to see living down here and the party was perfect with some amazing food! We got some much needed baby stuff and we are super excited about the stroller/car seat travel system Alicia got us! This coming Saturday is my next shower, and I can't wait to share in the fun with more family and friends!

All dressed up and ready to celebrate our little miracle!



Overall, we have just been sooo busy! I am not really sure where all the time has gone, but here we are about to enter the 3rd trimester! Gavin kicks mommy all day long, I guess that's what soccer players do :) and he always stops kicking when daddy tries to feel him, he is a stubborn little guy! He is currently about 2 pounds at 14 inches long, they grow really fast at this stage!  We go to the doctor on Wednesday, have trivia night at the church on Friday, Saturday is my second baby shower for my side of the family and next Tuesday starts our birthing classes at the hospital!  I am still in so much awe that I am experiencing all of this and that I wil have a son at the end of this journey! I can't wait for the next chapter to start, I am sure it will be more fulfilling than I can even imagine!

*PS - Lauren, I promise I will update again really soon, not another 2 months :)